So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize