My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
