Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
