enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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