my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
