After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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