I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think I sprained my soul last night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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