so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize