So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
