i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
