one two three fourrrrnication!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize