My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
