Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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