i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
