I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
