So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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