You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
