we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
