two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
