am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
