Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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