how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
