You smell like stripper and shame
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Randomize
