Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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