Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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