quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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