Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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