my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
