I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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