the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize