I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
