Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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