don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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