Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
