Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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