No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
