Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
