I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
