I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
