seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize