driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
