I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
