Screwed.edu
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
