just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
