She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
