Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When are your genitals available?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
