that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
