I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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