rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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