By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
