I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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