The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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