Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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