Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
