@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
