Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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