i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
