I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
