have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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