SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
