my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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