This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
