That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
