Someone shit on the floor
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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